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Speaking of Spirituality…. I feel lost.

I envy those who are seriously down to earth, and remorseful for their tiny tiny sins, who are sincerely grateful to Allah for their blessings. I’m amazed by those who are convinced the “bad” is good for you.

I havent been a good muslim of late. Yes i pray 5x a day. Yes i cover my head. But how’s the quality of my prayers? I complete a 4 rakaah prayer in under 5min. with no proper, sincere doa afterwards.

Then how are the clothings i put on? I’ve been buying “modern” clothes recently.

When my son is sick, I pray to Allah to heal him. Did i thank Him when he got better?

Mostly I’m just lazy and uninspired! Many a times i plan to read the Qur’an… and then other things come up and i dismissed my intentions with those excuses like… Tufeil’s asleep already… bla bla bla…

Is my heart too black now that i just fail to appreciate and glorify the Creator?

I dont want to have something terribly bad happen to make me realize. I don’t want it to be too late. For the lord knows i do believe in the Hereafter. But how do i change my attitude in practising religion?

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WANTED!

A STRAIGHT Single Unattached Muslim guy between 27 – 35yrs old, > 1.7m in height, preferably of mediterranean or south asian origins, and/OR Sharp nose, big eyes, long lashes.

He should also appreciate intellectual conversation and hold his own, be able to share his own thoughts, can drive, have car, love kids.

Most importantly, spiritually balanced. and keyword is BALANCED. Not too much leaning to the worldly world nor to the Hereafter. just nicely 50-50.

LOL. I doubt such men exist!

PS: This list may grow longer from time to time

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I HATE MY HP!

OK I”m on the roll with all these hatred!

I CAN’T STAND MY HP!!! SOny Ericsson G705.

IT IS SUPER DAMN SLOW. Esp when the battery is low.

It takes ages to look thru my contacts… not that there are many… prolly just 100.

The camera too… to open the application already take 1 minute, saving after a snap also takes a while!

I admit there are A LOT of smses clogged up in my inbox and sent items but i had no problem with my old k800i with as many msgs or more!

Shouldn’t new hps be BETTER and not SLOWER? I dont get it!

I’m SOOOOOOOO gonna buy an iPhone 3GS after this. Only problem is im not a singtel user. Ergh!

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I’m Mean!

I’m sorry but i can’t stand your stupidity!

An “Invalid Card Number” was supposed to refer to the credit card number but she tot its the ID being a Foreginer’s and not a PRC’s.

And she spoke with nonchalant authority too!! “Yeah yeah i know this website. I booked before. I give you the email add. Yeah i know i know its because of the PRC or foreigner’s ID.” THE NERVE OF HER! ARGHHHHHHHHHH *Pulls hair!!!!*

This website also very stupid! The CC Verification Code is limited to 3 digits whereas AMEX has 4! Of course it will return with an error! And there’s no way around it until they re-design the input field!

This Amex also one kind. Want to be the odd one, stand out. Give pple problem only! *look at the employee apologetically*

ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! #$%#$^%$&^%&*%^&#$%@#%#^%&^*&%^%@#

THE JUICE IS IN SERIOUS COMPLAINING MOOD!

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12th Aug 09 – Date of Tufeil’s First Roll from back to tummy. 4.5months

He turned to his left. Kak Ly spotted it first while i was in the kitchen getting some water. Good thing he took quite awhile so i witnessed his first too. By the next day, he was turning more often albeit still slowly. I wasn’t able to see this as i was…………

13th Aug 09 – First leisure outing with colleagues.

I think it was my first ever outing with my colleagues at current employment. I’ve written before how i’m able to click with these new recruits very nicely. This statement is reinforced by our karaoke night last night!

It also happened to be my FIRST time going back late from work (after 1.5month).

We went to Club 7. This time the i/c is super lor soh and ngiow! = irritating. Cannot this cannot that. Please do this and that. Treated us like kids. Food was also not as good as last time. Aiyah.

I only sang English song cos i feel that i would lose my audience if i had sung in Malay cos they wont know the song. But since they outnumbered me, they sang mostly chinese songs. Nevermind, next week will be the turn for malay songs with the cuzzies, parents and BABY!!!

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I am always hungry nowadays. I attribute it to hurried digestion? or whatever it should be called.

Its like this. When i eat, i’m always in a rush. For eg if at home, i only get to steal a few precious minutes (say 20min?) when baby is quiet to eat, shower, clean. So i chomp my food so fast before u cld say “Sausage”. haha

Then when i’m at work, i hafta eat quickly to pump milk. I eat so fast, i barely chew the food! ok tak sampai ke tahap pelahap but u get the picture.

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I’m trying to find the cause of my baby being so cranky while at home w my mum during the day.

Is it because….

  1. I didnt change the diaper in the morning? But even if i didnt change, sometimes he’s good.
  2. He’s having too little milk? I express 4 bottles, but mum gave him 3 times every 3 hours. But even when i told mum to try give him more and she gave him 200ml more, he was still cranky…
  3. Too little sleep?
  4. Missing mummy?

Then Ash was off from work tt day and noticed tt Tufeil screamed his lungs out when he got disturbed from his sleep by his the wails of his cousin. Boy do i know how fussy he gets when we disturb his sleep. But surely this doesn’t everyday to be the cause!?

Mum reported to me that yesterday Tufeil was a good boy… can play by himself on the bed and all. So what did we do differently? Everything else is still the same.

Ok mummy just called in to say she thinks its the milk! Today he’s a good boy again. Ok Julissa… just stay on top of the expressing schedule.

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Work Updates

1. FC’s assistant has tendered her resignation.

 

Because the asst hasnt yet finished probation period, her notice is only for a week! and we, the girls, are having lunch together later today @ secret Recipe.

It would be a happy gathering full of gossips. But for a very sad reason. We will have one less fun colleague to work with. *CRY CRY CRY*

Fortunately for her, she’s found another job already

2. But we have a new French guy who started yesterday.

Both the boss and office mgr are not in, so me and the other French guy had to help out with orientation? I surprised myself by making fluid conversation with him asking How he’s settling here in Spore after the weekend? He said they have trouble adjusting to the warm weather after coming from -1 degree in Paris! Their 8 month old baby is taking it badly. Coincidentally last weekend was unusual HOT for Feb.

His work station is right next to mine. So i get to hear a lot of French. It feels a bit odd cos i’ve always been surrounded by ladies. Also, he’s rather tall so can peer into my cubicle just by craning the neck. Hmmmmm…

3. The IT guy asked me, “Are you pregnant?”

LOL… im amused that some pple still cant notice my preggy tummy immediately. Granted, he’s only seen me sitting down. Yesterday he asked me to take a look at the copier why the print out is not coming.. unconsciously i rubbed my tummy to soothe the baby’s kicking, that’s when he noticed.

After that he was allll for excusing me from doing “heavy stuff” but i kept saying “No lah its ok no prob at all.” He wont even let me stand. LOL.

No wonder my friends missed being pregnant. Pple mostly always give in to us. Like that time i was arranging to go out with a single girlfriend and she said, “Ok anywhere that’s easy for u lah.” Of course easy for me is Causeway Point, but then it wont feel like really going out, so i chose town anyways.

Hopefully, pictures coming soon.

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Hot Weekend

Lunch time last Week in the office proved a perspiring feat. But we still got late afternoon showers.

Over the weekend? it was like being GRILLED. and we were indoors! We can start to say bye bye to that breezy wind.

But last night was soooooooooooooooooo hot i cldnt sleep. I was in bed by 11… in between the heat, excitement over a present Zubair’s received and baby’s active kicking, i only managed a wink at midnight but came awake again sweating an hour later.

Took another hour to fall back to sleep and woken up at 4am. This time, too cold with the aircon and ceiling fan on as well as the standing fan not 1 metre away with no blanket.

So much so that i woke up this morning at 7:25am!!!!!! when we should have hit the road LATEST 7:35am.

=( i dont like being late.

Note to self: sleep earlier.

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I Fear Death is Near

Everytime i yawn, cough and cry… i feel something is strangling my throat.

I can picture that when im at the peak of contractions, my throat will just close in on me and cut off the oxygen.

I’m deeply sorry my baby if i dont live to see you. I will pray people won’t mistreat you and i dont doubt my family will take good care of you.

It was irresponsible of me to have conceived you when we were not stable yet, causing a slew of problems that have resulted in my current health and emotional condition. But believe me, I already love you a lot. Too much maybe that its clouding my decisions.

Just wanna let you know that i enjoyed watching u move in my tummy. Esp that day when u showed me your feet, remember? They really looked like a ball circling the edges of my tummy! And when i contract my tummy to get up from a lying position, i can see the shape of your body (altho technically its the waterbag)!

If Allah thinks its my time to leave, so be it. I resolve to be spiritually prepared for it though i’m already feeling suicidal anyways. Not enough to cut my own hand like somebody had alleged that i did, but enough to lose hope that things will look up. Nonetheless promise me, my child, that you will be His good servant.

I hope to meet you in Heaven. I love you.

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I Miss You

Lahore metblogs have some interesting pictures up. WINTER pictures.

My whole heart yearns to be there.

Funny I am missing the country where i got hurt. But its true.

Nothing is perfect. Question is: How do we cope with the imperfections?

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I NEED A HOLIDAY!!!

OK I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!

I WANNA GO ON HOLIDAY!!!

I DON’T CARE IF I HAFTA TAKE UNPAID LEAVE

I DON’T EVEN CARE IF ZUBAIR DOESNT WANNA GO WITH ME COS HE PREFERS TO GO BACK TO PAK. (ok bedeQ. i DO care. i NEED him to come with me. haha)

I JUST WANT TIME OFF. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR??

Why this bloody visa thingy so difficult??

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