Archive for scary
I’ve Given Birth…..
….in my dreams!
I was brought to my school’s old compound (another nightmare prone site in my mind). I can already see somebody holding my baby, but that is his spirit.
People around me were telling me to feel what’s the baby trying to tell me… He seemed to be telling me that he’s ready to go out but that he wants to be borned on the lawn of our reverred teacher who lives across the road. So i painstakingly walked over the few metres and delivered. Because I was in that compound, the reverred teacher “forgave” my labour pains and i didnt feel no Ring of Fire that i was waiting for.
Scary… seems like im on the verge of being shirik. *shudder* Worse is this guy came back into my life saying he was sorry that he was ready to accept me and baby. Huh?? How did he suddenly come into my unconscious mind?
Now in the office, pondering on the dream, i feel weird. And scared.
1. It just struck me that i’ll be experiencing extreme labour pains in under 2months if im lucky. Having actually “delivered” the baby in that dream, i cant imagine the fear on the REAL DAY. Often pple described it as sooo painful you thought you were gonna die.
2. I’ve known this before already but it just slapped me on the face again as a result from this dream that after i gave birth, i hafta take care of this little person and i have no clue how to!! And im worried how i will take in this Overwhelming feeling of love.
I realise its not just about pretty clothes and cute faces. There will be a lot of pain and emotions going on. Nice though Butterflyrubric’s latest entry about the anecdotes of her son’s first week, it made me feel even weirder. Cos Im not used to loving nor taking care of anybody else more than myself. Haha. And i’m especially worried i’d be all alone, nobody cares enough to stay with me the whole entire time.
The Meaning of Nightmare
Zubair’s watch beeped 5am.
I had been tossing and turning for the past hr having had no sleep the whole night save from 12 – 2am. Finally, i got into a nice sitting position to sleep.
The watch beeped again. It’s 6am now. and my neck strained from the crooked angle and i decided to let myself sink into deep sleep for another hour. BIG MISTAKE.
I got into a dream where i was flying on a small open platform (imagine Mary Poppins) over oceans with small islands dotted below. Must have been the result from surfing about a resort vacation all of yesterday morning. However, i felt fear. Fear of falling and drowning. Fear of being alone because not one being was in sight.
The platform descended. Ah! People, at last! A lot of them. Seemed like a tribal event was hot in session. All Males. When i landed… they crowded around me. I feared indecent acts and ran for it.
There you are guys! My best friends. I saw clearly Fit, Nul, Mah, Hid and Zi and half of Nan. You guys were chiding me for being late but were all talking animatedly all at once giving me no chance to tell you of the dangerous journey i’ve just had.
But i was also late for work bcos im soooo tired from lack of sleep. I was also irritated with Z about something and not talking to him and so left to get ready before i get fired. That’s when i saw my friends hurrying off into the space shuttle (which was actually my old house’s toilet – i told you there’s a spooky part of the house hanging around in my head) before i could join them. Only 5 pax could fit into the “taxi”, they said.
That’s when I couldn’t take it anymore! I dont belong anywhere! Nobody understands me! Then a vacuum tried to suck me into that void space. Into a dream world of everlasting nightmares and unconscious awareness.
I screamed for somebody. I felt a hand. I knew it was his. I was still angry with him but i took it anyways. Anything to escape the Bermuda Triangle of nothingness. I was pulling myself up into reality when i realised i had awoken to a dream still. and the menace and still trying to take me down!
NOW i screamed for real. I screamed like i was hurt. The kind of scream i voiced when i got a muscle cramp. I heard mummy knocking on the door and Z trying to calm me down. When i realised im back to reality, I broke down and cried. Its as though Fate has not tortured me enough in the day but also had to mess in my dreams.
I felt soooo tired i wanted to sleep forever. I didnt even care if i got back into the nightmare, at least its not exactly real. But i didnt wanna call in sick either. Getting up and about no matter how tired I am felt more compelling than being stuck at home with a sack of depression weighing me down.
In the office, i researched some dreams interpretation at dreammoods.com, and realised that im feeling super vulnerable, that i should be standing up for myself. At the same time, i have fear. Fear of change.
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The one and only funny side to this nightmare is when ayah asked if i had a nightmare because he was afraid i was going into early labour!!
Mimpi Seram
Translation: Nightmare
me and 11 best friends went to KL for holiday and we stayed at my aunty’s place.
I was talking to my aunty to get directions on how to go to the nearest provision shop when suddenly my tongue became very swollen and threatened to drop off! You know that very full kinda feeling in your mouth and like you have no control of your tongue. Aunty told my friends to rush me to the doc.
On the outside it looked like a legitimate female doctor. On the inside, it looked more like a village doctor. Then the lady interviewed me:
D: Awak ni bangsa apa? (What race are you?)
Me: *offended* Adakah bangsa saya ada kena mengena dgn penyakit saya? (Does my race have anything to do with what i’m suffering?)
D: Ye (yes)
Me: Baiklah. Klw begitu, saya jawab. Nenek saya orang Cina. Selainnye Melayu. (Ok. I shall answer. My paternal grandma is Chinese. The rest are Malays)
That was when suddenly a baby blinked his appearance right before my eye. It looked like an infant – 1 yr old baby but was walking alright. It was very human in appearance but had a very menacing look in his eyes, esp after i exclaimed, “What?! What are you doing here? A baby can’t just appear like that!” And he gave me a very evil grin.
I tried to use my willpower with a hand gesture to shoo him away twice but he didn’t even budge but continued flashing his cunning smile.
And now he was approaching me!! I have an inkling he might be the “doctor” and about to “cure” me… so i SCREAMEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!
It was 4:30am. I woke up screaming like i never had. Zubair jumped awake. and said “SHHHH SHHH… stop crying! I’m Here! Chup!” Then i retaliated, “Why are you so angry!?” I was scared to death and he was shushing me angrily. Ergh…
After i calmed down, he asked what did i see in my dream. Then he quickly readjusted the curtain that had a teeny weeny flap open.
Also, as it turned out, Zubair had been having problem sleeping cos his ear aches like hell. And he cant move his mouth much let alone eat properly. It worries me because last yr around Aug, i think, He had an ear ache also. The doctor dismissed it as ear infection due to using the ear pick frequently. But now that he doesnt even use that ear pick, it still aches. I should better accompany him to ensure he goes to Raffles Medical and i will ask the doctor lotsa questions.
His passport is with MOM too… So i really hafta accompany him to explain to the nurses bla bla bla…
Anyways, back to this scary stuff….
My parents have been telling me now that im pregnant must take extra precaution and close the windows during maghrib/sunset and when i sleep overnight, or at the very least draw the curtains because we are on the 2nd floor and facing two big trees. This could have led to that “silly” nightmare.
Nowadays (read: after Z started working), Most of the time when i go to sleep, i will ensure i do that. But during maghrib… i often forgot. You know just reached home from work and tired but hafta get dinner and shower out of the way first… Either that or quickly getting ready for class…
Julissa, be more vigilant! It’s for your baby if not for yourself!
YOU DONT GO AWAY YOU!
It has been a long emotional drama in my dreams that Sat night…
But one of my sisters storming into my bedroom commenting and criticizing this and that was the last straw. As Icing on the Cake, My bedroom was an utter mess.
I looked desperately or rather, angrily at Zubair as i was trying to clear the room. Then he just smiled and attempted to leave the room.
That’s when i screamed, “YOU DON’T GO AWAY YOU!!!”
And i then surfaced to reality. Oh my God. It’s been a long time since i sleep talked. And now its all accumulated to become a sleep SHOUT! Zubair tried to calm me down. Again overwhelmed by emotions i cried and cried and cried…. i didnt care if anybody else in the house heard me and thought it was for real instead of just a nightmare… i cried and cried…
Softly Zubair said to me, “Hey… please dont get so stressed ok… Not good for the baby.” I smiled for a while … in my head… but continued to cry and cry and cry….
WE HAD AN ACCIDENT!!!
This morning at about 8.12am, on the way to work, a taxi bumped us from behind!
We were travelling along the CTE (AYE). It happened somewhere near AMK Ave 3.
I felt the impact was SOooo great I thanked God i was sitting in front and wearing the seat bealt. I can’t fathom what it would have been like if a passenger sitting behind didn’t wear the seat belt. It was really very scary.
At first, i thought they was a major earthquake or something but didnt see anything happening in front of me. It took me a few nanoseconds after i saw my dad checking the rearview mirror to understand what had happened! But the instant (30 sec) after the fear subsided, I whipped out my hp camera and took pictures! Evidence, babe.
The Toyota Crown Taxi was unscathed! prolly a teeny wee bit hint of a crooked hood and one or two micromini dents.
I even took the driver’s facial picture So he can’t weasel out of this one. HAH!
The driver was SUPER UNFRIENDLY as well as RUde!
At first Ayah asked him, “What happened? Sleepy ah?” He said, “No Lah where got sleepy. Lucky i braked already if not worse!”
He was even reluctant to give his Name and IC and told us to make a report straight away. Er… Excuse me. How to make report if we dont even know your freaking name? That’s what prompted me to snap a picture of his face. Like maybe he’s a part time driver and the real owner of the taxi will get the blame?
Poor passenger. I hope she (a malay tudung clad lady) gets a discount or something.
Claustrophobia
Yesterday i had a glimpse of how claustrophobic feels in enclosed spaces.
I was in the MRT on the way to work. A few stations after, i got a seat. To my left was a lady my right was a guy. While he was LARGE, i felt he was like invading my space. Some more, in front of me was a standing lady w her newspaper spread out, so was the person next to her.
I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to scream!!! I couldn’t sit still. Kept on Squirming.
Prolly due to lack of sleep also that i felt restless. I cldn’t concentrate on my book, nor could i drift to sleep.
I wish this train ride to be over soon!
Thank god it did before i lost my mind.
Funny / Scary / Silly Nightmare
Back in the old Tampines house Kitchen, I saw mummy cutting some meat with Kak Lily beside her.
She said, “Look, Ca, Mas Selamat is hiding in this lamb’s tummy! No Wonder nobody could traced him, this animal’s eaten him up already!”
I peered a look and saw a whole head. Then it kinda slipped to the floor and tried to escape!!! and Suddenly it was flying. I dont know why i was his target and he had POWERS… and i ran and hid and ran with Z.
I came awake screaming but Z lulled me to sleep again. God, the things i dream about…!
The Ghost of My Old House Still Haunting Me
I woke up in the middle of the night at the prick i felt when Z twisted my injured hand.
“Hey!” I yelped.
When he asked me why i was grasping his arms so tightly, I cried.
I realised that I was having a nightmare. A heartbreaking nightmare.
I told Z that in my dream, me and Ayah were praying and suddenly he so nonchalantly or even defiantly walked in front of us. Then… ok this part a bit funny… my dad broke off his prayers to swear at Z!! LOL But of cos, in the dream, i was feeling furious. Even more so when Z replied with a swear too! That was when i walked up to him, grabbed his two arms and kicked his *toot*.
Then Z asked me, where was it that the scene happened?
“In my old Tampines House kitchen” I answered thoughtfully.
I have always had issues with the image of my old house. I dont like it. I dont like the memory it brings me. Also, i feel that i didn’t have a proper closure to seal the memory tightly. You see… It was my working Saturday when we moved. I went to work as usual in the morning, but returned to a new home. I didn’t have the chance to say a proper goodbye to the house. Worse, i havent visited the new occupiers of the house, which i believe will make me come to terms with the lingering memory. And now its too late and it keeps haunting me.
After that short conversation w Z in explaining my dream, i slowly drifted back to my nightmare.
This time i was asked to sing for the D&D (which is this fri!!) … and a DUET with.. at first i tot was Marc Anthony (LOL!!). But we couldn’t find the Karaoke version of the particular song. Then we went hunting for it and got into an accident or something and i had to take over as driver lah bla bla bla… And by now my singing partner looks like Xiaxue‘s boyfriend, Mike! Complete with blood on the forehead following a Valentine’s Day Tragedy. LOL
Ok this is turning out funnier written out that when i was living it!
He Needs to Take HIV Test
Two weeks ago we received a letter from ICA saying that his Long-Term Social Visit Pass application is not successful.
But that we were granted a one-time non renewable 6 months Social Visit Pass.
For that, he needs to do a medical check up: a Chest X Ray and a HIV test.
Coincidentally he has been coughing relentlessly since 1 month. He has just been downing the cough syrup but last week we finally went to the doctor. He was prescribed anti-biotics for 5 days and if he’s still coughing, which he still is(!!!), then doctor might just send him for a chest X Ray.
Now i’m scared!
Plus the cost is $40.65 for both X Ray and HIV.
And then just before 7th May when his current visa expires, need to renew it another possibly $20-40.
oh Allah. Please help us. Stop us from spending unnecessarily!
