Archive for motherhood
Motherhood Quirks
I have a funny thing to confess.
I LOVE SMELLING BEHIND TUFEIL’s EAR!!!
There i said it. It’s like bacin bacin kinda smell that is just heavenly to me. Sis thinks its totally disgusting but i love it.
I know another friend who loves to smell her baby’s breath.
What’s YOUR quirky thing?
Fasting with a Baby
Baby will usually sleep at 10pm. Thru the night, he will wake up about twice say around 1 and 4am. at 5am when i hafta wake up for Sahur/Sehri, i will gently turn him to his tummy praying he won’t wake up. Mostly he won’t.
Sahur menu at my house is either last night’s break fast leftovers or rice. Mostly i can’t stomach rice still being groggy and all but i just stuff myself. Most importantly is to drink 1ltr of water, otherwise, i can’t survive the day!
Pray at 5:45am. While waiting for baby to wake up for morning feed, i will play Lexulous while watching Smallville. (Now at Season 7 Episode 14) or sometimes i nap but if possible i dont because i will feel FAT when i wake up! Besides, in an hour i hafta get ready already.
Sidetrack : You know, every Ramadhan I will put on weight instead of lose them! Because always sleep with FULL TUMMY! End of side track.
It was nice to receive a pat on the back by a fellow new mother at work. She said, “Wah you’re fasting and you’re still pumping. Way to go!” Thanks. I felt appreciated for my effort.
I’m not sure whether expressing BM is tiring or relaxing. In one way, i get a break before i start work and i get to read my book. In another, its like drinking my energy away.
My mum would give 4 bottles to Tufeil thru out the day. If his last feed is 5pm, then it is very ideal for me.
You see, i finish work at 5:15pm dash home and reach at 6:15. Once i step home, i will make bee line to my room to pump for about 15min. Then i take a quick shower n get dressed in 15min. from 6:45pm to break fast time i will nurse the baby to, hopefully, sleep. So that i can eat in peace! teehee.
But if his last feed is 6pm, there will be a problem. I can’t nurse him to sleep. Or if he wakes up in the middle of break fast, then i hafta hold him in left hand, and fingers my food with the right.
Standing Tall. bwaahahahah
Close up now
From what i heard/read/know, a walker hinders the baby’s own instinct to walk on their own. So this is for emergencies only, when we’re really desperate.
But in any case, without the wheels, it will serve like a mini … what-you-call-it… gym station? game station? Something like that. *trying to minimise guilt here*
After Maghrib prayer, i will top and tail him and change into pyjamas. that would be around 8:30pm. Then the adults in the house will play with him till about 9pm when he would want his next feed.
Between 9 – 10pm a bit more of quiet play (er… sometimes not so quiet) and a mandatory change of diaper. After that, i will turn down the light and nurse him to bed.
ZZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzz Zapped of all energy, i can’t do much anything else. At most i will watch Smallville to sleep. I feel guilty for not doing extra in this holy month of Ramadhan. Lord forgive me. Give me strength. Ameen.
The Guilt List
The Things I’m Guilty About As a Mother:
- When He doesnt burp
- When i don’t change his diaper more than 6hours even though he’s sleeping at night (albeit intermittently)
- Bringing him to the toilet with me
- If i overfeed him and make him FAT
- When i eat junk foods and give baby the fats in the milk
- For not crazily missing and yearning for him at work
- If i carry him wrong and disfigure any parts of the anatomy.
- If the water’s too cold or too hot
- If the room’s too hot. (No it can never be TOO Cold)
- If the light’s too bright
And the list goes on and on and on. That doesn’t mean i dont continue doing them though. HA HA
Another Disaster
Oh no!!!
I forgot to bring this valve (or whatever part of the pump system that is) to work today. It’s usually attached to the two piece funnel + bottle set washed and sterilised in the steam machine. But over the weekend the maid found out the thing can be twisted open so this morning i didnt realise its not fixed back on. Not totally her fault. Shld have checked.
So later, i hafta go to Marina Square again to buy this thing… $30 for 2pcs!! *faint* Oh well.. ive been wanting to get a spare one anyways and now i have the perfect excuse to.
This morning Tufeil didnt go back to sleep after his 6am feed like he usually does. I think its bcos the day before he had too much sleep. And for the first time, it ached my heart to leave for work seeing him brimming in the morning. *sob sob*
Well at least there’s something to look forward to this week. My replacement is gone! For the week at least. The past 3 days she had been handing over pending jobs to me and tying up loose ends. I dont wanna be nasty or gossipy… so let’s just say… i’m not quite comfortable with her endless chatter. but she is a very nice person..
My boss wants to keep her. So since one of our colleagues is in need of an assistant, she’s gonna come back next week to fill tt position, albeit temporary. Again.
.
.
Tufeil’s caregiver is sooo pro bottle feeding that she tot it appropriate to repeat saying:
- Oh its ok baby, tmrw i give u bottle ok. So u can sleep nicely afterwards
- He’s still hungry, urs is not enough (he just wants some comfort sucking)
- Just give bottle lah (But i’ll be the one in pain if i dont feed him directly n not express)
- Hey look, he’s not latched (i know i’ve only been a mother for 3months, but i know when he’s not latched.. im just giving him some time)
I thank you for warming up the eBM for Tufeil… but please, I need ur TOTAL support to continue BF-ing successfully.
BACK TO WORK!!!
Day One – 1st July 09 (3 months old)
MISHAPS!
I reached office bloody early at 7:50am but forgot to bring my access card. Nobody will reach the office till after 8:10. I didn’t wanna wait tt long as i need to express!! So i decided to go up to 23rd floor to get somebody down to 9th floor to open my office door since we use the same access card.
The outlet under my desk are all in use so i hafta plug from behind me to turn on the pumping machine. Amos was the first to come. He asked what was that noise? The Pump, i answered. For What? he asked and peered. Don’t worry, i was fully covered. He still cldnt guess more so bcos i was reading a book. He was prolly puzzled as to why i need to pump a book?
Second to arrive was the Office manager. She promptly deduced i was doing my thing and said, “I have u know the next time u hafta do it in the toilet.” Sheepishly i agreed, “The thing’s noisy.”
30min later, i realised i forgot yet another thing. my Milk bags to store ebm!! Damn! Where to put my 110ml’s worth now? I left it in the machine’s bottle and but it in the fridge. ‘Azma suggested a small plastic bag. I dont have clean ones, mine are prolly dusty and got holes. So i decided to go to Marina sq during lunch time to buy a new box from Mothercare. and at the same time, i can go to one of their numerous nursing rooms!
Promptly at 12nn, i went out. I bought 1 Qi Ji Popiah (ohhh its been a long time), KFC’s popcorn chicken snackers and settled in the nursing room happily whirring while eating. The not so good part was.. the supply was minimal. But altogether i managed to scraped 80ml x 2. Then a bad thing happened. I SPILT THE MILK, on the changing station no less, while packing it. That’s almost half a serving gone! BOOHOOOHOOOO…..
Forgetful me aside, let’s talk about sleepy me.
It’s very tiring for the past couple of weeks, baby has been waking up at 2am, 4am in between 12 – 6am. I just let him suckle while lying in bed but it’s still… tiring to the mind. Even when Ayah offered to let me drive i declined for fear i get sleepy. Wait, let me adjust first.
I also got a few offers to do lunch but i politely declined as i need to find and settle down into a routine before i can decide if i can ever go out anywhere for lunch considering i hafta take time to express.
Next session was at 5pm. I did in the toilet. yucks. Lucky no one was depositing their investments in the other cubicle. Plus i hafta use batteries. I feel like its a big waste of… batteries. the outlet is just outside the washroom but if i wanna use electricity, it means i hafta stand for like… 30min?
Came home w Ayah. The minute i reached, i quickly put my bag down, changed, stored the milk, went to the loo and prepared my dinner even before i looked at the baby. Cos i was afraid tt once i did, i cldnt let go of him. So i had my dinner while looking at him in Mummy’s arm still. And everything went on as normal.
Total milk: 400ml
DAY 2 – 2nd July 09.
Pumped in the toilet 3 times. 8am, 12nn, 5pm. Results were lesser than the day before. Boooohoo… must be due to the unappetising atmosphere. My poor baby. The worse part is not being able to eat while i pump, like DUH! It’s eating up on my lunch time ok! But at least i get to read.
The other downside is, i’m reducing the no of available cubicles on the 9th floor by 50%. Go figure. I can only thank god that the cubicle i use has got a parapet that i cld use as some sort of table.
I’m seriously thinking to start work at 8:30am and get to go home at 5:15pm so i only need to express twice, get to go home earlier and not disrupt my “work time”.
i cannot imagine doing this pumping for a year. But my japanese aunty did it for 2 yrs and still doing it for all i know! Next to explore: possibility of doing it at the mosque during lunch time. That’s 3birds with 1 stone. Lunch, Prayer, Milk. Nice.
Kak Ly called to ask me out for dinner @ Bugis. I was adamant to go home straight to my baby. After all its only been my 2nd day of work. He might go into shock or something. But she said its quite rare that we get to go out on weekday nights the 3 of us so i relented. Besides, mummy cooked something tt i dont really favour.
So… a beef lasagne@Pasta Mania and 1/2dozens of J Co Donuts, $10 cab ride and 2.5hrs later, i reached home. sadly, i dont get to hold him straight away. Need to express again before i do.
The saddest part of the night is that, when i fed him directly, he suddenly seemed to have forgotten how to. Kept removing his mouth after a gulp. I had to hold his head firmly then he gotto his normal style.
Sighhh…
The Mother of All Blunders
I SCREWED UP BIG TIME!!
Remember i told u his front was bleeding after the circumcision? Well.. As of Sunday, one week after, it was still bleeding and i thought that was it. I went to the polyclinic the next day.
After 30min of waiting (miraculous on a monday @ Poly but i suppose newborns get a bit of priority), our number was called.
Thankfully, we got a muslim doctor. He was surprised and said this is the first time he gotta know of a boy being circumcised so early and i told him some pple did it even at 7 days! He wanted to know the reason behind doing so. I was stumped. I didnt know why i did it. I had my reservations like i wrote earlier.. but i supposed i succumbed to pressures around me.
His stake is that the foreskin is there for a reason. To protect it. From his point of view, circumcision is more a religious rite than for medical reasons and that its best done at age 6 or 7 when the foreskin doesnt play much role anymore and the boy can now understand and better appreciate this ritual.
He said Tufeil has got an infection and prescribed antibiotic cream to be applied twice a day. Total amount due: $5.50 (cream was $0.75! hehe so cute)
At home, I thought thru about what have gone wrong. Pple told me to stick the diaper loosely, i did. To change diaper very often, i did. So what is it??
Then i was about to apply cream on him when a realisation slapped me right in the face. All these while i didn’t actually wipe his front!! I only ever cleaned his bottom but never the thing itself. i really dont know why i didnt do it, but something along the time of the fact that boys spray only one direction and therefore not so dirty? I know its pure silliness.
I blundered greatly. I’m sorry my baby.
I was not Dedicated, Now I’m not Ready
Wed 13th May 09
I got a call from the office to ask where is the Year 2007 spreadsheet for a certain report i’ve made for Paris bosses. I told them it should be in those folders lah but they couldn’t find the one that is as at 31st Dec 08 but only the one in Oct 08.
Hmmm i can’t really rectify the issue when its not really in front of me. But I also told them that i always make the report based on the current data as opposed to the previous report. It would be more accurate and up to date and they should take it from there too. No can’t do. Die die gotta have the soft copy of the previous report. If they really want the EXACT same sheet, why dont just colour scan it? Won’t make no difference, otherwise just analyse from the current data lah. I suspect she doesnt know how to n would rather input new info manually.
In any case, i offered to come down and take a look since its so urgent for Paris boss. Besides, I wanna bring my son to the office too since not many of them have seen Tufeil yet.
Fikir punye fikir punye fikir… Alamak macam leceh lah..(after much thought… i tot its a bit troublesome).. What if i hafta longer in the office and baby needs feeding and changing? I can’t bring just the sling, and if he sleeps, he won’t have nowhere to lie down. I can’t bring the stroller cos i dont know how to fold it in when i get into the cab. So many problems lah.
In the end, i had to disappoint them by not coming. They just hafta manage with what they’ve got. Besides, I have also given them alternative ways of doing it.
A week later, I e-mailed my boss. I said, “While i’m eager to start work and see the progress of EPI book, at the same time i feel i’m not ready yet. I would like to extend my maternity leave till end of June ie 10days and start on 1st July”
I feel i’m not ready because the babe still refuses to sleep till 1 – 2am… with the hour running up to bedtime he would be sooo cranky and require comfort sucking every hour. I cannot imagine how i could manage that if i’ve started work already. I hope 2 more weeks would make some sort of diff and from now till then, the babe would settle into a more manageable routine. (Amen)
Boss replied back and said, “Noted your leave extension. I’ll be on leave for a month from1 st – 31st July. So you will have that time to settle into work.”
First reaction was: Hoorayy!! no pressure to clean up whatever mess there would be.
Second reaction: Oh no.. what if i got a lot of questions to ask in order to clear that mess?
Oh well… the most imp thing is my leave has been extended!
I’m A Big Boy Now!
Sun, 17th May 09.
I was dragged awake by Mum @ 8am in the freaking morning to finally make our way to Crescent Clinic to circumcise our Dear Tufeil.
We reached there around 9:30am and in less than 30min we were on the way home! The procedure took less than 5min.
We brought in the baby. Doctor asked if he’s had any medical condition / history such as heart disease bla bla bla… and how old was he. He was being put on the operating table. There was some deposits on the diaper and the doc was in such a hurry that he said nevermind just fold it. But i did give them a clean one and they changed him afterwards.
Then I was just about to take out my hp to snap a picture when we were BOTH shooed out of the room. Damn! I suppose it was for the best, because if any of us were to hold him, we sure would go all jittery. I definitely will get a jelly leg and didnt intend to look let alone HOLD him.
In the meantime, the nurse at the counter called me and showed me a picture of how it should look like. And gave me the prescribed painkiller. 1.5ml of paracetamol every 6hours. She told us to come back 2 days later for a follow up check up and gave emergency numbers to call after office hours. Made payment of $85.
He cried but braved thru the procedure
The first 12hrs was a nightmare!
When we reached home some 45min later, he started crying non-stop. I called the doctor. Oh I was supposed to give him the painkiller now and not 6hours after. I mean, C’mon i tot the doc already gave him.
He took a nap. When he woke up crying the house down, my parents have already gone to a wedding. Thank God Ash was home to help me soothe him n took turns to have our lunch.
He was SUPER cranky. And i realise i dont know NUTS about taking care of circumcised boys! Like i noticed the nurse didnt strap the diaper properly. Was that on purpose or they were just lazy/in a rush? Can he sleep on his tummy? Can i carry him over my shoulder or wld it hurt?
God! All these Qns and being cranky and alone really not a good mix man. If i knew, i wldnt agree to having it done so EARLY in the morning and on a day that my parents won’t be at home much! Altho to be fair, my mum wldnt know any more than i do as she’s never taken care of a boy before but it helps having a confident person around.
Next dose at 4pm were 2hours away and we were getting anxious. Mummy is still not due back but i begged them to come at 4pm to help feed the baby his medicine. I’m such a scaredety (however u spell it?) cat im scared even to syringe in medicine to the babe’s mouth.
He was cranky ALL night i had to make a couple of calls to ‘Azma to ask what’s wrong and what shld we do. She deduced that Tufeil just needs to be comforted since he still feeds normally (in between cries though) and yes i should loosen the diaper a bit but no i cannot increase the dosage on my own. haha
His 3rd dose of paracetamol was at 11pm. at 12midnight he was still crying despite the endless feeding i gave him. So i decided to call the doctor. (He sounded like he was at a party. LOL!)
Doc: Is it swollen?
Me: Hmmm not really. It looks so but we can’t be sure. (We asked Ayah earlier but he said its normal)
Doc: Is it bleeding?
Me: Hmmm there are a few drops of blood on the diaper.
He also concluded that he just wanted to be comforted and told ME to calm down but if i’m anxious, the baby will be too. Right after i hung up, Tufeil was sleeping soundly on Mummy’s chest and that’s how he slept till 4hours later.
Tues, 19th May 09 – Day of Check Up
Mummy and i took the cab down all the way to Eunos for the check up. Just two pple in front of us. We were called in soon after and were asked to put baby down for inspection. He took a peek for barely 2 seconds and snapped, “ok good. the ring will drop off in 3 – 5 days’ time.”
Me: What’s the yellow yellow thing above the ring? Is it a thread?
Doc: No there’s no thread. that’s part of the ring which like i said will come off in 3 – 5 days’ time
Mummy: Then the painkiller…?
Doc: You can stop already.
It’s not how i imagined it to be at all! I need some discussion, feedback about my babies’ condition! Why is he in such a hurry and dismissed us so? I know you are an expert and have been doing it for so many years (even for my friend’s husband who’s now.. what? 30?).. but i think its just that. He’s tired of playing doctor.
Sorry friends who’ve been there. But this exp left me quite dissatisfied. Next time, im gonna go for somebody a bit younger. No pun intended.
First Family Outing
Sat, 16th may 09.
“Mummy, Hurry up, please. I want to be changed!”
On Mothercare counter, Urgent shopping.
